Lost in reverie

Dear Me, Today, I promise to take control over my life. To take control over my decisions and accept responsibility for the consequences. The only way to be happy is to be free. Free to say what I want, feel what I feel. I'm never suppressing my emotions anymore. You either take it, or leave it. I will take it slow, but I will also work hard to achieve the best at my youngest age. I will not back away when people talk down on me. Even when my voice is trembling, I will still speak up. I will be brave enough to fight the fears that have been long since stuck in my system. One by one, I will fill the gaps with beautiful things to look forward to. I will be the strength of those who need it most, but I will also not be weak. I will give only a part of myself and not everything, until there's nothing left. Most of all, I promise to be myself. To be unashamed and unabashed with the way my mind works, To how my body looks like, To the way I dress and the way I

I have a habit of saving people. Is there a reward for it? No. Is it gonna get me to heaven? Not even close. It is not a sin to help people. Although kindness is unacceptable in this world, keep going at it. There is no greater reward than being able to pour out love in your heart. How can I leave those who need me most? How can I abandon them when there was nobody around for me when I was screaming? How can I hurt others when they have judged me in my solitude? I hate to put burden on anyone. I used to be a selfish brat, still am, and always will be.   The dream of running away. I think I understand it now.  One day, the ocean will take me. But for now, I am needed in the world. Not by anyone- but myself. Happiness starts when you put your mind to it. We create our happiness. :)

Dear Emman, I think this is the only way I can write without you being able to see. You told me last night that you are good at encouraging people but you are weak. I told you that you are the bravest person I've ever met. You have chosen me over your family, friends, and everything you've ever known. Basically, you left them all behind for me. Seriously? Just writing it down makes me wanna cry. I'm torn between keeping you to myself and letting you go. The thought of being away from you again freaking hurts. However, it hurts me more to see you sad. I can live without you and I know there's still a lot of fixing I need to do in my life. Is it a sin to want you? We'll get through this. You were the one who said, we can lose everything, except for God. That's why I love you.

I must really love you if I can publicly post this. :D When I come to think about it, we have been kind of courting each other for almost 4 years now. Although we haven't seen each other in 2 years, I've never felt this strongly about you before. I'm sure you feel this way too, as you have a way of describing things before I even feel them, myself. I have always been afraid that you are going to stop midway and leave me to look for an easier kind of love. You snapped at me a day ago, and although you barely remember it, the words are still ringing in my head. Who can blame you, when even I, believe you're off better with someone else? And suddenly, I came to the realization that it wasn't me you were angry at but yourself. Like the way I was angry at myself for not being brave enough to hold on to you. I literally went against the world for you, but it came down to family, responsibilities, and having to escape. I think you were angry for not fighting hard

Alchemy And now I understand why the world threw all these setbacks at me, It was- always has been- a preparation for the day when I met you. This was so I could love you better, and for you to see me as I am.

Last night, I was thinking about one of my favorite places in the Philippines, UP Los Baños. I was imagining what it was like to dream back then. I wanted to be a forester and during the year I stopped schooling, I went there to pretend that I was actually a BS Forestry student. I remember how silly it was for me to ask how much the boarding lodges were and how I planned taking my bicycle there to hop from one building to another for the next class. It was making me rethink my life and what it could have been if I didn't go to STI. Of course, I would never have met him. Maybe, just maybe, there was a very small chance that I could catch a glimpse of him on their graduation day in Umali Hall back in May 2012. However, that only exists in a parallel universe. I always wonder why it's so difficult for me to capture happiness. It feels as if my whole life had rained down sadness on me. My spirit is adventurous, but my soul was always bound to the responsibilities of the