Lost in reverie

I have a habit of saving people. Is there a reward for it? No. Is it gonna get me to heaven? Not even close. It is not a sin to help people. Although kindness is unacceptable in this world, keep going at it. There is no greater reward than being able to pour out love in your heart. How can I leave those who need me most? How can I abandon them when there was nobody around for me when I was screaming? How can I hurt others when they have judged me in my solitude? I hate to put burden on anyone. I used to be a selfish brat, still am, and always will be.   The dream of running away. I think I understand it now.  One day, the ocean will take me. But for now, I am needed in the world. Not by anyone- but myself. Happiness starts when you put your mind to it. We create our happiness. :)

Dear Emman, I think this is the only way I can write without you being able to see. You told me last night that you are good at encouraging people but you are weak. I told you that you are the bravest person I've ever met. You have chosen me over your family, friends, and everything you've ever known. Basically, you left them all behind for me. Seriously? Just writing it down makes me wanna cry. I'm torn between keeping you to myself and letting you go. The thought of being away from you again freaking hurts. However, it hurts me more to see you sad. I can live without you and I know there's still a lot of fixing I need to do in my life. Is it a sin to want you? We'll get through this. You were the one who said, we can lose everything, except for God. That's why I love you.