Lost in reverie

Dear Me, Today, I promise to take control over my life. To take control over my decisions and accept responsibility for the consequences. The only way to be happy is to be free. Free to say what I want, feel what I feel. I'm never suppressing my emotions anymore. You either take it, or leave it. I will take it slow, but I will also work hard to achieve the best at my youngest age. I will not back away when people talk down on me. Even when my voice is trembling, I will still speak up. I will be brave enough to fight the fears that have been long since stuck in my system. One by one, I will fill the gaps with beautiful things to look forward to. I will be the strength of those who need it most, but I will also not be weak. I will give only a part of myself and not everything, until there's nothing left. Most of all, I promise to be myself. To be unashamed and unabashed with the way my mind works, To how my body looks like, To the way I dress and the way I ...

I have a habit of saving people. Is there a reward for it? No. Is it gonna get me to heaven? Not even close. It is not a sin to help people. Although kindness is unacceptable in this world, keep going at it. There is no greater reward than being able to pour out love in your heart. How can I leave those who need me most? How can I abandon them when there was nobody around for me when I was screaming? How can I hurt others when they have judged me in my solitude? I hate to put burden on anyone. I used to be a selfish brat, still am, and always will be.   The dream of running away. I think I understand it now.  One day, the ocean will take me. But for now, I am needed in the world. Not by anyone- but myself. Happiness starts when you put your mind to it. We create our happiness. :)

Dear Emman, I think this is the only way I can write without you being able to see. You told me last night that you are good at encouraging people but you are weak. I told you that you are the bravest person I've ever met. You have chosen me over your family, friends, and everything you've ever known. Basically, you left them all behind for me. Seriously? Just writing it down makes me wanna cry. I'm torn between keeping you to myself and letting you go. The thought of being away from you again freaking hurts. However, it hurts me more to see you sad. I can live without you and I know there's still a lot of fixing I need to do in my life. Is it a sin to want you? We'll get through this. You were the one who said, we can lose everything, except for God. That's why I love you.